Feedbacks // Nov. 2nd
On the 3rd period of Monday, my group got the feedbacks for our essays. Overall, there were a lot of parts we did not notice when writing and checking the essays, including personal pronouns, citations and the reliability of the source we used. Thus, when Mr. Paterson pointed out and explained these problems in detail, we were able to come up with a solution for the mistakes that we made as an individual, and as a team.
Firstly, Mr. Paterson pointed out a mistake I made in my essay which was, using casual words. Specifically, I had used the phrase “loads and loads of” in my paragraph when in reality, I had to write using only formal words. To avoid these mistakes, I thought that it is important to reread the paragraph a lot of times. (Definitely more times than you think you need to!) When rereading it, it is obviously important you read it on your own, but asking your group members, and not just one but everyone, is important too. By doing so, your essay will be looked at from different points of view, meaning that the chances of spotting mistakes are higher.
Secondly, there were a lot of personal pronouns used in one paragraph. When I saw it, I was surprised since the last time our group members checked each other’s essays, we made sure that no personal pronouns were being used. However, due to the lack of communication, we did not notice that the person had rewrote it over the weekend. Therefore, we had not checked the new version of that person’s essay, that had used personal pronouns. Therefore, we discussed about the lack of communication and how we can overcome that, by using our line group chat more often and actively.
Thirdly, in terms of sources, I had made two mistakes. The first mistake was not explaining the specific sources used, when writing phrases such as “studies show that...”. By stating the specific sources that were used, the reliability and preciseness of our essay as a whole will rise. The second mistake I had made was using a study to support my idea, that has controversy whether it is reliable or not. Specifically, I used a study to prove my idea, human need serotonin to avoid depression. However, that study had used mice to experiment on, meaning that it is hard to compare the body development of humans, to mice. When these controversies occur, it is better to take the safe way around and use another study instead, that do not use animals to experiment on, just in case the reader is against the idea.
Overall, we discussed about the points we need to work on, which is to increase the amount of communication, using our line group chat. By doing so, we will be able to make sure that everyone is on the right track by checking each other’s work and advising on it. Further more, communication is the key point to understanding each other better, something that is important when doing more group projects like presentations.
Firstly, Mr. Paterson pointed out a mistake I made in my essay which was, using casual words. Specifically, I had used the phrase “loads and loads of” in my paragraph when in reality, I had to write using only formal words. To avoid these mistakes, I thought that it is important to reread the paragraph a lot of times. (Definitely more times than you think you need to!) When rereading it, it is obviously important you read it on your own, but asking your group members, and not just one but everyone, is important too. By doing so, your essay will be looked at from different points of view, meaning that the chances of spotting mistakes are higher.
Secondly, there were a lot of personal pronouns used in one paragraph. When I saw it, I was surprised since the last time our group members checked each other’s essays, we made sure that no personal pronouns were being used. However, due to the lack of communication, we did not notice that the person had rewrote it over the weekend. Therefore, we had not checked the new version of that person’s essay, that had used personal pronouns. Therefore, we discussed about the lack of communication and how we can overcome that, by using our line group chat more often and actively.
Thirdly, in terms of sources, I had made two mistakes. The first mistake was not explaining the specific sources used, when writing phrases such as “studies show that...”. By stating the specific sources that were used, the reliability and preciseness of our essay as a whole will rise. The second mistake I had made was using a study to support my idea, that has controversy whether it is reliable or not. Specifically, I used a study to prove my idea, human need serotonin to avoid depression. However, that study had used mice to experiment on, meaning that it is hard to compare the body development of humans, to mice. When these controversies occur, it is better to take the safe way around and use another study instead, that do not use animals to experiment on, just in case the reader is against the idea.
Overall, we discussed about the points we need to work on, which is to increase the amount of communication, using our line group chat. By doing so, we will be able to make sure that everyone is on the right track by checking each other’s work and advising on it. Further more, communication is the key point to understanding each other better, something that is important when doing more group projects like presentations.
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